It's a Mod World
by Adapse
Summary: Crack/Parody fic. Inspired by all the mods out there that changed the world of Skyrim (for better or for worse). Not to be taken seriously! XD


Lorina Avarith De' ath woke up from her heavily cushioned coffin and yawned, stretching her perfectly sculpted nude body of a 36G-cup breasts complete with pert nipples and a cleanly shaven crotch. Stepping out of her coffin, for she was a vampiress, and a gorgeous one at that, she went to her wardrobe and picked out her favorite clothes; some silk strips of cloth she smithed herself and wrapped them around her chest and waist. It can be said that such clothes would be considered cold for living in a place like Skyrim, but all the girls were wearing similar clothes and she hardly wanted to be considered a prude after all, vampiress or not. Besides, they were enchanted to be warded against %100 of all magical attacks and %70 of all physical attacks. And best of all, they looked pretty on her lovely body.

After putting on her clothes, Lorina went and strapped on her favorite weapon, a gigantic daedric scythe that glinted wickedly under the light. It was curved like a crescent moon, and was doubly effective against everything from vampires to Falmer to daedra. Even though the scythe was larger than her torso, she had no problems picking it up and swinging it around like waving a fork. Because she was the chosen hero, the Dovahkiin, and because she just kicks ass like that.

Stepping out of her private cabin in the woods, she looked up at the starry night sky and smiled at the moon, whose face with eyes staring in opposite direction leered back with a grin of its own. Gusta was endearing, but Lorina sometimes tired of its relentless gaze. Somedays when she was in a foul mood, she would make Gusta go away and have Mr. Troll take its place, or Fap, Fukyea, Fuuu, or Mr. Lonely. Tonight she was in a good mood, however, so she didn't mind Gusta but gave it a cheerful wave before continuing her way down the sloping path out her cabin.

She wasn't quite in the mood for blood tonight, however. In fact, she rarely ever drank blood. She preferred raw rabbit legs ripped fresh from their still twitching bodies. While it was difficult to chase down those pesky little mammals down while waving her scythe around, she found an easy way to bypass that, by simply shouting them to death. Their frail little bodies were not able to stand the abuse that was the Fus Ro Dah, and easily flopped over dead. She found it somewhat odd that living creatures were always flung away like ragdolls, but the weaker creatures who couldn't take a single direct hit simple keeled over without flying off into the sky. For a moment she pondered about the logics behind the strange phenomenon, then shook herself from the useless thoughts and continued to hunt for rabbits.

Ten minutes later, she did not find a rabbit, but two angry cave bears instead. The bears roared their displeasure at being disrupted doing…whatever it was that two bears did together and reared back on their hind legs, and began singing the universal Battle Song of the Creatures.

"_**TROLOLOLO-LOLALO-LOLALO, TROLOLOLOOO…"**_

Lorina winced. At first it had been amusing, but now it was just irritating. Especially when they didn't hit any less hard with their mauling attacks. She hacked away at them with her scythes, using fancy moves and doing back-flips, and soon the battle expanded to include three mudcrabs from a nearby river, a stray sabrecat, and a skeever who was promptly cut down when it leapt at the vampiress and received a scythe to the stomach for its troubles. And they were all singing. Uncoordinatedly.

"Argh! I've had enough!" She screamed, and promptly _FUS RO DAH_'d them away into the sky, then ran. As she ran, she idly admired the way her breasts bounced in coordination with her strides, and despite running into several trees face-first she wasn't the least bit scratched, and her sleek waist-long, perfect hair remained perfect as always. She ran and ran and continued to ran for two hours before arriving at an ancient Nordic ruin, and when the ominous echoing '_donggg…_' rang in her ears she knew she had found a ruin she hadn't yet explored, and immediately dived in, forgetting her hunger in the face of adventure.

Another five hours later, Lorina left the ruins, feeling somewhat disappointed that there hadn't been a Word Wall inside the place. She did find a few Corundum mineral ore deposits in a caved-in section of the tomb though, and spent quite a while hacking away at it with her pickaxes, making away with roughly 500 more pieces of ore than she had started out with. And there were still more to mine from, if she ever felt like returning to the ruins again.

It was with all the excess ore that she remembered she still had not eaten anything since she woke up all those hours ago, and the sun was already peaking over the edge of the mountains. While the sunlight didn't effect her, she _was_ a vampiress, and she had a reputation to upkeep. This wouldn't do at all. Quickly, she teleported herself to her house in Whiterun with one of those handy little teleportation spells she learned at the College of Winterhold some time ago, and made her way over to the Bannered Mare. Despite her obvious glowing orange eyes, no one spared her a second glance as she walked to a corner and sat down, ordering some food from Ysolda because she accidentally killed Hulda about a month ago while experimenting with her shouts.

"Hey Lorina!" A call caught her attention and she turned to see Farkas and Vilkas, the twin brother werewolves from the Companions, walk up to her. The two had gorgeous pieces of arses and she wasted no time in giving them both a quick grope. Farkas laughed and sat down while Vilkas grinned and asked if she had time later for some 'getogether'. While it was certainly tempting, and with her new spells she could certainly have some fun time with both of them at the same time, she wanted to pay a little visit to her long-neglected housecarl she was awarded with all those months ago back when Jarl Balgruuf thanked her for helping kill a dragon. She had left in a hurry earlier and hadn't seen Lydia on her way out. "Maybe later," she said to her hot hunks. She knew where to find her husbands, anyway. They're so predictable.

Finishing her meal of two legs of goat roasts and two bottles of ale, she left the inn and ducked back to her Breezehome house, giving her ever-faithful housecarl a cheerful greeting. Lydia smiled back and continued to cook, the movement making her 32F breasts jiggle slightly. Lorina took a moment to admire the beautiful lacy maid's dress on her housecarl before moving on upstairs, sitting down at her luxurious four-poster bed complete with silky curtains, pulling the covers open and sliding in without bothering to remove her clothes. She'd just take a quick nap before moving on to whatever adventures awaits her tonight.

Life was good.


End file.
